P.S If I May Ask Why

Distracted from studies, the weather put me in an odd mood.

Tue, 22 Feb 2011 06:59:36 GMT

The rain sounds nice this time of year
When my pockets are empty & your hand's not near
My thoughts call out around the house
I wanna share things & I wanna go out
To all the places I used to go
With all the people I used to know
But everything always changes
& my friends keep moving away
& maybe I'm just being selfish
Because I'm the only one that stayed.

Sat, 10 Jul 2010 02:15:13 GMT

"all year long we wait for sun, at the beach we come undone"

I want to post a video blog. idk why, but i do, mostly because I haven't been active on here in a few months really.
As for now, it's off to the gym to go clear my head because I really dislike copyright law right now and my head hurts, so DAMN YOU Audio Home Recording Act Essay!

Ciao!

Writer's Block: Oh no not I

Wed, 02 Jun 2010 08:35:26 GMT

How do you recover from a bad break-up? The proverbial pint of ice cream? Quality time alone? Going out with friends? What are your personal healing strategies?

View 1527 Answers

I try and hang out with friends more, get out of the house more, go to the gym, watch Lost, play video games, and I make lists and write to help sort out my thoughts if my thoughts are causing me too much trouble. Writing and making lists just helps get the thoughts out and sort a lot of things out that I would think about too much.

Sun, 16 May 2010 06:27:59 GMT

It's 10:17 and what have you done?

I saw something ominous in a ring
5 Pearls, but 6 notches
i wore across my pinkies and made my eyes sting
until I saw blotches

On an unrelated note. I dislike reminiscent thoughts right now. I also don't like being home alone.
I miss my best friend and i cannot wait until he gets back in town from the AF with his AK gf haha
It's gonna be a few good weeks when he's here, but before and after he's here it's going to be a weird transition for me. I've got all this time that isn't going to be occupied by school and school work, plus last summer I had a gf.

I need to go play some video games or watch some Doctor Who ASAP right now.

Zebra

Sat, 15 May 2010 06:41:44 GMT

[ X ] Organic Chemistry ACS practice exam taken.
[ X ] Finish Essay on William Butler Yeats poem "Sailing to Byzantium"
[ X ] Attempt to not put much BS in said essay for 5 pages. (For the most part)
[ X ] Watch Doctor Who.
[ X ] Take a nap.
[ X ] Go to work.
[ X ] Calmly stop a shoplifter from stealing crappy video games.
[ X ] Play Pandora radio from my cellphone while working because it was dead.
[ ] Go to bed.

Congratulations

Sat, 08 May 2010 17:00:14 GMT

As strange as it seems I would rather dissolve than have you ignore me.

Wander & the Colossus

Tue, 27 Apr 2010 05:35:35 GMT

Aside from that being the localized name of one of my favorite video games, Shadow of the Colossus, the first part, "wander," is exactly what it did today, and I feel pretty good about it.
-Got 2 rolls of 100 ISO Ilford Delta
-Drove around kinda aimlessly and found McKinley Park
-Loaded up my camera bag
-Wandered about the park for a while. There were turtles in the duck/goose pond! It was also interesting to have all those animals and squirrels within a foot of you and they're all like, "Oh hey, sup guys."
-Wandered over to B street Theatre and found my way along side the Methane Gas field then followed the train tracks down towards the freeway.
-Dinner time! Crepeville!
-More aimless driving.
-Cezar Chavez park and a good nighttime 3 block romp and picture taking experience.
-Took some shots driving home too and i wonder if those will turn out haha.

I'm am very thankful for Band of Horses for making my drive ever so peaceful, relaxing, and extra enjoyable.

DEADBEAT SUMMER - NEON INDIAN

Tue, 20 Apr 2010 05:08:17 GMT

Come and run from the heat
In the middle of a sunlit street
Seeing thoughts in repeat
But I'd rather get something to eat
Feeling senseless and beat
And I wonder if through chance we will meet

Deadbeat summer
It's just a deadbeat summer
Deadbeat summer
It's just a deadbeat summer

Deadbeat summer
It's just a deadbeat summer
Deadbeat summer
It's just a deadbeat summer

You're the one that I'll miss
From my summer when I'd stolen a kiss
Hear the endless hiss
As he rolls into the starlit abyss
All my dreams reminisce
Never thought this time would be like this

Deadbeat summer
It's just a deadbeat summer
Deadbeat summer
It's just a deadbeat summer

Deadbeat summer
It's just a deadbeat summer
Deadbeat summer
It's just a deadbeat summer

Wed, 14 Apr 2010 08:18:47 GMT

A lot of questions, but none should be answered. They aren't going to change anything anyhow. I hate all these little reminders. It just makes it more tempting to get rid of my facebook. I also hate the reminder that comes in human form every tuesday and thursday. Don't talk to me. About anything. I don't want to talk to you for a while. Even though you're a classmate and didn't know at the time, but it still leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I don't blame you, no. We were both victims of circumstance in a sense. One of us was just an actual victim more or less.

Oh Insomnia.

Wed, 14 Apr 2010 07:23:25 GMT

I'm doing random sets of push ups,
To forget about the past.
I'm doing shots of all the places,
Hoping that they last.
My lips are chapped from all this breathing,
Chugging water bottle's blood.
And Hamlet ain't got nothing,
on King Laios' son.

Changing Changing Changing?
No son, you can't change the past.
The moments are stuck in time,
and in your head they will last.
A fire that has burned out,
this feeling boils your blood.
Remember you can look back,
But don't burn yourself in it son.

Mon, 12 Apr 2010 22:19:29 GMT

That, is something I never want to see again. Be respectful, and keep it to yourself next time.

Pandora

Fri, 05 Mar 2010 06:16:39 GMT

"Be Still My Heart" - The Postal Service
"Chicago" - Sufjan Stevens
"No Surprises" - Radiohead
"White Shadows" - Coldplay
"Comfortably Numb" - Pink Floyd
"I Might be Wrong" - Radiohead
"Hide Your Love Away" - The Beatles
"So Here We Are" - Bloc Party
"Think I'm in Love" - Beck
"Dramamine" - Modest Mouse
"Parachutes" - Coldplay
"Mother Nature's Son" - The Beatles
"The Bastards Have Landed" - Logh
"Going to California" - Led Zeppelin
"Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots Pt. 1" - The Flaming Lips
"Maps" - Yeah Yeah Yeahs
"There There" - Radiohead

Radiohead Radio Station on Pandora

I would say that made for a good study playlist from Pandora during my Poli Sci Study Sessions this week. It was nice to be able to find my study zone again. The playlist was definitely not as depressing as half the bands in it seem btw haha

Thu, 25 Feb 2010 04:04:09 GMT

Dried up as a shallow pond.
Things skip across, but nothing sinks in anymore.

2 Years

Wed, 27 Jan 2010 06:23:39 GMT

My mind is a cluster fuck of thoughts.
I'm glad i went to the gym.
I've still got a little homework to do.
My room is a cluster fuck of clothing.
I need to get more organized.
(not just with my clothes)
There's a story I'll never forget, and now it's down the rabbit hole I go.

Accepting Defeat

Fri, 25 Dec 2009 03:16:54 GMT

The hardest part has been knowing that there is nothing I can do to change this situation.
Burying my head in the past and hoping to find answers or even just thinking about it over abundantly isn't going to change anything either.
All we can do is be friends and nothing more now and maybe not ever.
Live in the present.

Don't Get Your Hopes Up.

List.

Fri, 20 Nov 2009 03:15:30 GMT

I miss having a someone I truly trust to talk to just about anything.
I miss having a best friend.
I miss having a best friend in this state.
I am excited for my last semester at the community college next spring.
I am not excited to have to study any more for this semester.
I have a very unsettling feeling that has been riding in my chest for the past 2 weeks that I cannot seem to get rid of or ignore.
I have been enjoying getting out a little more than I used to.
I wish my mind would stop racing with thoughts on anything and everything sometimes.
I am trying to stay busy.
I am trying to figure a lot of things out.
I really do not know what to do about some things right now.
I think I want to get my hair cut.
I miss a lot of things.

CD Shopping list:

Thu, 05 Nov 2009 06:36:45 GMT

The Antlers - Hospice
Say Anything - Say Anything
Julian Casablancas - Phrazes for the Young
The Arctic Monkeys - ... umm idk the name of the CD! damn...
The Good Shoes - ...also don't know the name of it!
The Avett Brothers - the CD with "I and Love and You" on it
Kings of Leon - idk take your pick i guess, their music is pretty good
Tegan and Sara - Sainthood
Grizzly Bear - Veckatimest
Death Cab for Cutie - umm that new EP they have out

...so that's like $100+ of money I don't have, but really i do, but i don't want to spend that much. Oh time and money you fools you! let's go week by week! ...so sometime by next year i should have all these CDs? ha

Thu, 05 Nov 2009 03:43:15 GMT

OH what am I?
but some complex drug
I get high all the time
and fuck things up
And there it is
and ending to begin again
a lost soul wants to win again
and lose that fucking sin again
complexities don't reign down on me
because I'm the only one making my mind bleed
with selfless thoughts
getting selfishly caught
as i try
and comply
with my thoughts all the time
all I want is to see myself again

REITERATE

Thu, 29 Oct 2009 20:03:21 GMT

It has become almost nauseating to think about how much attention I want. Why am I even doing this? It's true that I really miss all the attention, but I really can't stand feeling like I really am not getting any attention or enough, but what kind of person am I to make standards like that. Idk whether I'm just being annoying or just thinking about things too much. I don't seem to know much of anything right now. My wants. My needs. Idk. School's back in check now I think and I went to the gym last night so I suppose that's good.I hate feeling like I'm just back at square one and I don't know what to do about it. I guess I need to learn to enjoy the time to myself too.

Brian needs to figure his shit out. School, not so much. Everything else, ya probably.

Dreams or Nightmares, and Day Dreams

Sat, 24 Oct 2009 17:05:09 GMT

Everything feels just fine when I'm dreaming. It's when I wake up that I don't feel fine about it anymore. Dreams are nice, but recently they've been a constant tease of things that I want and things that I'd rather not think about. It just ruins my mornings waking up like that. The day dreams aren't any better than when I wake up from a dream. It's all just a tease. The things I want are just piled up but it's all against me once I'm awake.

Screw work, I just want write poetry all day.

Tea

Sat, 24 Oct 2009 00:47:57 GMT

Today has been an interesting day to say the least.
The morning unexpected
a call did come to me
about carpooling to a Spanish class
where we both did flee
mild conversations rode
the questions cross our tongues
few and far between they were
until she bit her thumb
class did come and class did go
she drove me home with haste
the traffic spewed an awful crawl
to which we did distaste
we came across an beat dirt drive
and we said our fair goodbyes
i thought an odd peculiar
as i ate my meal
and chose to dismiss it once
tightly packed and sealed
felt the clothes and packed the sheets
some cleaning had begun
i wait i wait the yard had
trimming to be done
debris debris fall unto me
And make me see what I can't see
Closely packed leaves of tea
Will help me concentrate
A caffine high kick kick kicks
Kill an hour or two to feel
The high wear off, I'm just a drop
For my mind's lonely meal
But it's not so bad, The day's been good
So I drink my tea
Fall in debris
And kick kick kick
Th night's not done

Attention.

Fri, 23 Oct 2009 15:40:35 GMT

Trying to stay busy is a little hard sometimes. On the days I want to hang out with people, everyone just seems to be busy with other things. I really want to get out more. I can't stand all this time to myself. I'm trying to remember my lists and just try and keep everything I've written down and what everyone has told me in mind, but some things I really don't want to accept or my thoughts just get the better of me a lot too. I try to stay busy with school work, but it doesn't really help when one little thing will give me a reminder of it all and I can't keep my concentration any more. Three days a week. As much as it's nice to see each other sometimes I really wish I didn't have to. All it does is make me think of everything I've lost, and that's all I seem to think about now. I really don't want this. Any of this. I miss my best friend terribly, and I'd love to get some more attention from anybody that seems interesting to me. That can keep my mind off of everything. Going from getting all the attention in the world to practically nothing is something I'd rather not deal with.

Mon, 19 Oct 2009 04:29:06 GMT

"Your Heart Won't Heal Right If You Keep Tearing Out The Sutures."

Dealing Part 2

Sat, 17 Oct 2009 21:05:42 GMT

I miss my best friend all to much right now.
I miss both of my best friends a lot right now,
but damnit all I really wish trevin was here right now
Or I could afford to go see him in arkansas.
Being patient has been one of the hardest things to deal with for me
Because the last time I had to be so patient I actually had someone to support me, and just
Be able to hang out with me whenever, no matter what.
Letting go of something like this is the hardest thing I think I've ever had to deal with because as much as I know it would probably be better for me, I don't want to let go.
It's really hard to even worry about myself with all these thoughts constantly buzzing through my head. I feel so sure about what I want to do, but my emotions have just been
jumbling up everything up for me it seems. One day I feel hopeful and confident, and the nexy day I may just feel like I don't want to even get out of bed and just say, "fuck you!" to the day.
I really don't know what I'm going to do if I don't find some sort of release or escape soon because this all seems like too much to deal with.

I AM THE NEW AMERICAN PIONEER.

Mon, 12 Oct 2009 05:16:30 GMT

"Looking forward, never back, no longer content
to wait for better times... I will work for better times.
'Cause no one built this country in suits.
All I need is all I got. Bruises heal, stink is good, and apathy is death.
So I strike up for the new world! A newer mightier world,
the one I will make to my liking. For after the darkness comes the dawn.
There is a better tomorrow. Look across the plains and mountains and see America's
eternal promise, a promise of progress. Go forth with me, Go Forth!"

Gotta love Levi's new advertising. I took a picture of this from their building in San Fran a while ago, but it's funny how most things in there are exactly what I need to be telling myself.